Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be
compassionate and humble.
1 Peter 3:8
I’ve never considered the
word “compassionate ” as a word that really describes me, especially when it comes to interactions with the homeless. Having
lived in urban environments, I had become desensitized
and cynical toward the homeless population. I was the one who walked right by
and ignored them. I‘m not proud of that, but that’s how it was.
And for most of my adult life that was OK with me. I was led in other areas in my
Christian journey, while others were led to work with the homeless. We all have different gifts, right?
Then about 3 years ago,
I was driving thru Richmond and was stopped at a light. There was a man
on the corner. He passed my car and I stared straight ahead. After the man had already passed my car, I was, quite
frankly, overcome by shame. I was in Richmond at
a conference for Christian Education. We had spent the morning discussing ways to show God's love. UM. Hypocrite?? After a brief hesitation, I rolled down my
window and called over to him to come back. I looked him square in the
eye and said, “I can’t do anything for you long-term but pray. And I will
pray that you find a way to a better situation.” Then I shoved a wad of
bills in his hand and the light turned green. I realized as I drove away
that I never got his name. But I have been praying for “the man on the
corner” ever since.
I think, in
hindsight, that was the beginning of the softening of my hardened heart.
Over the next few years, God would put people on my path, and each time
the encounter was burned into my heart’s memory. I actually wrote about it
numerous times on my blog - and only recently when I went back to re-read some of it, did I
realize how often this was happening (here, here, here and here).
Each encounter left me wondering how I could have handled it better and prompted ideas for next time. Funny enough, when that “next time” came, I did
handle it better…baby steps over many years.
Here is a brief chronology of some of my more memorable experiences:
- I was approached in a strip mall parking lot
by a woman who needed a place to live. I was caught so off guard I quickly got into my car and drove away - but found myself wishing I
had thought to get her some coffee at Panera, or maybe offered to
call a local shelter on her behalf. I went back to look for her but she
was no longer there.
- I had a random conversation
at a light with woman homeless by choice because no shelter would let
her in with cats, cats who had stayed with her long after her human family abandoned her.
- I helped serve the homeless
a meal two years ago at a hypothermia shelter.
Volunteers are encouraged to sit and share a meal with the guests. I felt so awkward as I sat and chatted with a
woman who told me “she did not have a name”. I served again with the same group just a few weeks ago. I was amazed at
the change in myself after two years - how comfortable and at ease I felt sitting and
sharing a meal with a group of homeless people. We talked about
books, movies. Some told jokes. I saw how they cared for
each other. I learned a lot from them.
- Last spring I rolled down
my window and chatted with a man. His name is DJ Collins.
After 2 years of random encounters with “a man on the corner”
and “the woman with cats” and “the woman with no name”…I finally had
remembered to ask the homeless person for their name. I asked him
his story. I told him I would pray for him. I was struck upon driving way that I wanted to do more. I turned around and was going to take him to
lunch. But he was no longer
there. Several months later I saw him in the same spot. I was about to go thru the drive thru at
Chick fil a. I told him I would get him something and be right
back. I gave him a chicken sandwich, waffle fries and a drink. As I
was leaving, I saw him behind a hedge of bushes, devouring that meal. I remember being struck by how hungry he was. Now I actually look for him, and call him by
name when I see him.
- There is a woman
who frequents the Christian bookstore - cause, yes, hanging out in front
of the Christian bookstore, you hope folks are a bit more generous.
I have run into her since in several other parking lots. One time I was
with my kids and rolled down my window and asked her what bible book she was
reading. She always had a bible with her. I didn’t give her
any money, and my kids probably thought I had gone crazy.
- Joseph is my latest friend.
I actually saw him all summer, on a median by an intersection near my
house. For some reason, I never felt led to roll down my window.
That nudge of the Spirit was not there. Then, about 2 weeks
ago, I felt it. That not so subtle hint. I literally had
no cash on me, but I rolled down my window, asked his name and told him I
would pray that his situation improved. It was a long light.
I asked him his story. He said these days they just try to
stay warm. One week later I
was entering Panera to get bread. Joseph was outside with his sign,
and with him a friend (Christopher). I called him by name and remembered I
had nothing to give him when I last saw him. SO, I got him and his friend
(married with 3 kids) gift cards to Panera when I bought my bread. I
told them to use it on those colder days. Not even a week later,
Joseph was on the median again. We talked for a few minutes. I
gave him a Starbucks gift card.
SO, what does all
this mean? How did I get here? I had always been well prepared
with my excuses to not engage (he already passed my car, the kids are in
the car, I am alone in the car, I’m running late, I don’t have
anything to give). Really, it barely bothered me that I kept passing them by. Until
that day with that man on the corner in Richmond. Subtlely, something
changed. Unbidden, and unbeknownst to me, God put on my heart a
change in me.
So what would I tell people
whose response is “Me too. I never know
what to say in those situations”?? Remember your ABCs.
- Acknowledge the Spirit
- You know that feeling when you get it. Be open to it, and where
it may lead you.
- Be Bold - Just do it.
Roll down your window. Just say hello.
- Choose Compassion - Trust God
to give you the words to start the conversation. You don’t have to be the
savior for all their problems - you just have to acknowledge them as
fellow humans. You don’t need to even give them anything. Ask them
their name. Say “I can’t fix your situation but I will pray
that it gets better”. If you give them something, do it freely and
without expectation of how it will be used. Sometimes I give cash.
I have recently started giving gift cards for food places, and am
thinking about just keeping a stash in car.
In the end, its not so much
about what you give or don’t give. It’s about seeing that person as an
equal. It’s about taking that first step and just rolling down the window
and asking their name.
