She said "I dont have a name". That was her response when I asked so I could pray for her. Maybe she just didn't want to tell me, but something about the way she said it made me feel like she really didn't think she had a name.
We had spent about 45 minutes talking about all kinds of things. Global warming. Movies. Travel. Music. Life in California. When she had a job. And a place to live.
She was a guest at the FACETS hypothermia prevention site. A service for homeless persons, to give them a meal and a place to sleep out of the cold weather. Different churches rotate serving as hosts and providing the meals. We were there as volunteers to help prepare and serve the meal. But we were also encouraged to eat WITH the guests, and where a door was open, to engage them in conversation.
The evening had an auspicious start. Two of us volunteers sat down, and almost right away two guests got up to go outside for a smoke. The woman at the end of the table did not seem interested in talking. So, my fellow volunteer and I talked mostly among ourselves.
Then, we heard her ask, "Does anyone know if they are doing a bible study this week? I heard they do a bible study. I like bible study. Sometimes people say things you would never think of yourself. And they read a passage - usually a positive one." There was never a more open door to start a conversation!
Just a few weeks earlier, my family was leaving Christmas Eve mass and encountered a couple with sign asking for money, because they had a baby to take care of. There they were. Right on the church sidewalk. As hundreds of people streamed out of church on one of the most holy nights of the year. Anxiety and discomfort kicked in. Heart strings tugged, and an old familiar cynicism lingered on the fringe. It's these moments when I really don't like me. What did we do? Nothing. In the car Greg and I sheepishly looked at each other with guilt reflected in each others' eyes. We admit we never know what to do or say in that kind of siutation. It happened again on New Year's Day. Same couple. I looked in my purse and realized I did not even have one dollar on me.
I have written about my experience with homeless people before. I still vividly remember the man on the corner and the woman with the cats. I still pray for them. And I think I have learned from them. I obviously still have a lot to learn. Last night I was given a chance to learn a little bit more.
Why does it seem so hard to figure out what to say in these situations? While I listened to the woman talk last night, I felt a bit uncomfortable. I was so self conscience of saying the wrong thing. If I offered a comment that provided a glimpse into my own life, would it make her feel worse about her current condition? As the minutes went buy, I realized that I did not need to be so concerned about this. She was well read and aware of current events. While it was obvious that she had some challenges mentally, I had no idea the cause or what got her to this place, and it didn't seem necessary to ask. And maybe that's the thing. This group was not hard core homeless, who have been on the street for years. They were in the heart of Fairfax County, VA - one of the richest counties in the nation. And they could be ANY one of us, who get caught in a bad place, and find themselves unable to get out. Maybe that's why we don't know what to say. We are afraid to admit that a few wrong turns could land us in the same spot?
"What I miss most is just relaxing on the couch in front of the TV". Such a simple thing, that most us of take for granted. I love relaxing in front of the TV. This woman was no different. In the end, we are no different.
I might not know her name, but as opposed to my previous experiences, at least this time I did ask. And, by the end of the night, I felt much more comfortable talking with this group that had gathered. I am still not sure what I will do the next time I am confronted with a homeless person. But I am hopeful that after last night, next time it might be just a bit easier to do SOMETHING. So that all those who feel nameless would realize that in Christ, we all have an identity and are called by name.
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