Sabbath from "Self"

My husband will tell you I have this REALLY annoying habit.  I ask him how his day was...and then when he doesn't answer within 3 seconds I continue to talk, essentially telling him how my day was.   Have I mentioned he is an incredibly tolerant man???

I went to see a friend in the hospital today.  Luckily, this is not something I often have the chance to do - but even when I do I hesitate to go.  I am that person who thinks I should help "distract" the patient from their woes.  So, I usually end up doing all the talking.  And its's usually about me.

I love Facebook - I know stuff about people that I would not other wise know, especially folks who are far away.  Even stupid stuff.  Seemingly unimportant stuff.  But, that's what I like about it.  People talk about themselves to other people.  Frankly, isn't that the whole point of a status update?  Letting everyone know about you?   

Do you sense a trend?  Here's a shocker:  We are a totally self-absorbed society.  I would have liked to think I was immune from this.  My current medical woes have only highlighted how I have been sucked in like every body else.  I will talk about it to anyone who wants to sympathize with me.  How did we get here?

I don't think we do it intentionally.  We relate to others by common experience - so we try to find something in our world that helps us relate to someone else's world.  We are creatures of our environment.  And our environment has gotten increasingly complicated.  Frankly, there is a lot to keep track of, and most times we can barely keep up with our own little world, let alone what someone else is going through.

But we need to.  We need to care about what others are going through.  Or, at least I'd like to think we do to remain a humane and civil society.  Which means we need to ask..and we need to allow time to listen to the answer.

SO, I am going to try a little experiment.  It was an idea I read somewhere.  A 24-hour Sabbath from MYSELF.  I'll admit, I have tried it before and failed. No status updates on Facebook.   No going on about ME.  And every conversation would start: but how are YOU doin'?

We'll see how it goes this time.  But I am not sure I am allowed to tell you - cause then it would be about ME!

Some days are like a herd of elephants

I should not have time to write this.  In fact, if things were going according to MY plan, I'd be in Richmond sitting in a classroom right now.  Instead, I will make an attempt at blog therapy.  Because, really this writing thing is not to make you feel better, but to make me feel better. 

My original reasoning for creating this blog was to document some of the more behind-the scenes struggles of this stay-at-home mom as she seeks to live out a Christian life in this crazy world.  I'm not here to whine about laundry or that I have guilt about not feeding my kids enough veggies this week.  I am here to highlight the good, the bad and the ugly of trying to actually live out what we are called to do if we claim to be Christian.

So, today is one of the ugly days.  Yes, we all have them.  Even if no one likes to admit them.  The days when our head tells us there is a reason for the things that happen, but our hearts are hardened to hear any of it.  Those days when no matter what we do, we get no comfort.

"I thought you were in Richmond today?".  The words were so innocent - how was she to know they were like a dagger in my heart??  I have had to give up a class I spent months preparing for; having given up things that I love to make room for this "new thing" that I felt called to do.  I was confident I was being obedient and that this was what I was supposed to be doing.

Little did I know that what I was really doing was making room...so I could have a surgery that will disrupt all the plans I made in one foul swoop.

I officially dropped my class yesterday.  Months of preparing, gone in one quick click of the mouse.  When I read this is sounds SO melodramatic.  People are dying; people are out of work.  And here I am whining about not being able to go to class.  I get it.  I do.  But I have also been told previously that the horse on my back is no less heavy just cause my neighbor is carrying an elephant.  For me, the past few days have felt like a herd of elephants.    

SO, there you have it.  Today is one of the ugly days.  Don't come ask me to smile or pretend I am in a good mood.  Don't tell me it will all work out.  I already KNOW that.  It's just that today I am not FEELING it.  And that's just how it is some days.  And you know what - THAT'S OK.  It doesn't mean I didn't pray.  I did - but really it was more of a pity party.  It doesn't mean I don't appreciate all the praying others are doing for me.  Frankly, it's about the only source of comfort I have found in this whole mess.

And tomorrow might be a better day.  But it might not.  And that's OK too.  Cause the bottom line is that as a Christian I don't have to be perfect.   I am allowed to have bad days, and I don't have to apologize for it.  So I am not going to.  In the end, what being a Christian really gives me is hope.  Today might suck, but tomorrow is a new day, and my head knows deep down that God is already doing a new thing.  The hope is that tomorrow my heart feels it.

VBS Top 10

I should probably be working on tomorrow's lesson.  VBS has crossed the hump, with two days left.  So far, it's had everything I knew it would have - the good and the "challenging"! Even though I have these huge bags under my eyes, the  "God" stuff has made it worth every minute. And that's just the things I know about.  How I wish I could be a fly on the walls all over the church when these kids invade for the week.  My cup overflows.  I have no idea why I get so into VBS - well, I do, but only other VBS types like me understand.  

So - in honor of our theme today (Learn) - here's a few tips and other things I have learned from VBS over the years:

1. It doesn’t matter how prepared you are, nothing ever goes as you planned.  Usually this works out better than the original plan.

2.  Don’t hint to the VBS director that you have some free time on your hands, cause there is no such thing as having too many volunteers J

 3.     The music should always be turned up louder.  

4.  Bathroom breaks are a group event, as are field trips to the water fountain.

5.      Make friends with the kitchen crew. They feed you.  And they let you play with your food.

6.    Always say more prayers for the craft people. You might have a bunch of kids, but they supervise all those kids with paint brushes in hand.

7.   Coffee. Drink. More. Coffee.

8.  Age or physical limitation is no reason to stay away. VBS has a place for everyone, young and “wise”. 

9.   There is no greater joy than a VBS hug.

10.           When it gets tough, stick with it. It’s all worth it. 

Silence and Soul Restoration

He restoreth my soul

These words from the 23rd Psalm are on my mind.  I've learned not to question why certain scripture verses stick out at certain times - but I'll admit this one puzzled me more than most.  Blasphemous as it may be, I am not a huge fan of the 23rd Psalm as many are.  Most likely, it reminds me of times of illness, or dark times.  The valleys of life.  It's just not my "go to" scripture.  Except when it is.

1 2 3 Jump!!!

Summer is in full swing!  As I write this I am sitting by the pool.  We spend every summer Sunday afternoon here, relax after church and usually grill our dinner.  I also call this "Daddy's turn to play with the kids".  I often don't even get in the water,  but doze in a chair listening to the joy that surrounds me.  It's just a cheery place to be. 

Water has been on the mind this week.  We spent a day in Baltimore harbor touring tall ships and naval vessels.  We spent an afternoon with a friend at the pool playing goofy games like monkey in the middle.  And today is family day.  So, of course I was not surprised that one of the bible texts for the lectionary this week dealt with water.  God has a great sense of humor. 

There was not much joy in this water story though. There was a storm and the disciples were scared.

"Why are you so afraid?", Jesus asked them.

That reminded me of a scene from the pool this week.  A little girl about 4 years old was by the side, and her father was in the pool encouraging her to jump in. "Don't be afraid, I will catch you" he kept telling her.  She would take a deep breath, run up to the edge...and come to a complete stop.  She did this a few times.  One time she came up, peered over the edge and dipped her toe in.  

"Don't be afraid.  I'll catch you". 

And isn't that just the same message Jesus wanted his disciples to understand?  Jesus always has his arms out, ready to catch us whether we are caught in a storm or afraid at the waters edge. 

This picture is of a different 4-year old girl.  She is obviously not afraid to jump right into that pool.  Full speed ahead and no looking back.   Oh that we were all able to embrace that spirit !  And how thankful that with Jesus in our hearts, we can. 

Oh and that little girl at the pool?  She did eventually jump in.  And her dad caught her.  Just like he said he would.

When Lightning Strikes

I like to call it my secret place.  Though it's quite available to anyone if you know about it.  The little chapel in the woods behind my church is a little slice of peace square in the middle of crazy northern Virginia.  You can sit there for hours and never know there is chaos waiting just on the other side of the tree line.  When it's hot it provides shady respite, and no matter what, there is always a breeze.  The Spirit is alive in that place.

Today I found myself fixated by a certain tree that I guess I never noticed before, even though it is in plain view.  It was a tree that looked like it was dying if not already dead...but what most intrigued me was the bark peeling off the trunk.  While the outside of the trunk looked weathered and worn, a few strips of the bark were peeled away to reveal  fresh wood underneath.  Upon closer inspection, there was a variety of new things growing around the tree. I don't know if the tree was dead or not, but it was certainly an incubator of life around it.  Oh the analogies that went through my head!  

First, the issue of the layers of bark.  I have been participating in an online book discussion for "Grace for the Good Girl" by Emily Freeman.  We have started off the discussion talking about the "masks" we wear.   There are hundreds of women signed up for this.  That 's a LOT of mask wearing.  And we are finding ways to help each other shed them.  Kind of like peeling the bark off a tree.  

Amid all this, I was reminded of a favorite verse - Romans 12:2 - "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God - what is good and acceptable and PERFECT." (emphasis mine)

Perfect - the word that get us good girls into trouble.  I am a word buff, so I looked up the etymology of the word.  In its history it can be traced to the translation "to completely perform".  But it also has a different history - "to bring to full development".

What a comfort that brings!  God does not want us to be perfect.   He does not want us to perform.  What He wants is for us to turn to him so that we can see we are already perfect in his eyes, so he can bring us to full development.

A friend speculated that the tree had its bark revealed as a result of a lightning strike.  And isn't that just what is takes to get us to peel away the masks we wear?  Something dramatic occurs to start the process?

The good news is that when we peel back the bark on something that may have seemed dead, we can discover new life.  That reminds me of another favorite verse:

 "So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation; everything old has passed away; see everything has become new!" (2 Cor 5:17)

When a God Girl Goes (almost) Bad

Huh.  Who knew a simple book purchase would lead to a mea culpa? But there you have it.

A week ago I mentioned in an off-hand Face book post I had purchased a copy of the "hot" book Fifty Shades of Grey.  In the following days, several folks I know approached me publicly and privately with concern about this.  Frankly, I really didn't know what all the fuss was about.  So I dug a little deeper.  When I bought the book I only knew that a lot of moms were reading it.  And talking about it in giggles.  But they would only mention glossed over allusions to its content, no specifics.  So, when I bought it I was thinking it was more like Twilight - something to pass the time, but give no literary honor to.

But this post is not about the book, or whether I read it or not (I actually plan to return it).  This post is not about if YOU read it or not.  This post is about my experience as a Christian female who is just as big a sinner as anyone else and just as easily tempted by the fads of the world.  And it's about an example of how having other Christians in my life is a comfort and support, especially when we may be making poor choices.

My friends took a risk approaching me with their concern.  Some felt they may have crossed a line.  I'll admit I was a bit embarrassed to be caught in such a situation.  But maybe that's the point?  Their concern made me find out a bit more information and think twice before I acted.  What a blessing.  And what an example of what we are called to do as Christians.  We are not to be judgmental, but we are called to speak the truth in love.  If we can not appeal to fellow Christians about how we live our lives, then how much more difficult is it to do that effectively with those who have not experienced God's grace.

SO, as opposed to being annoyed with my friends, I am grateful for their example.  And I am hopeful that I may use that example in future situations.  I have many Christian friends who probably saw my post and made a judgment OR shook their heads but thought it was none of their business.  SO, thanks to the ones brave enough to call me on it.