Make room for love!

"Thank you."

It should have been me saying those words.  After all, it was a friend who had stuck her arm through my car window to help me get off my coat.  [One of the "twisty" things I am still unable to do post-surgery).

She was thanking me for letting her help me.  Sigh.  That has stuck in my head this entire holiday season.  No one wants to need help from others.  When we do, we hope we accept it gracefully.

It is certainly no accident that I've spent the last 6 weeks learning how to receive gracefully - especially these last three weeks during Advent, when we are to be preparing and making room for the ultimate gift in the form of a baby.  A free gift to us, if we are just willing to receive it.

How many of us will be stubborn and think we don't need it?  How many of us continue to function as if we can do it all ourselves?

I read this last night - and it reinforced the lessons of the past few weeks...

"You can not receive a gift unless you have a place for it in your life.  You cannot learn anything if you think you know it all.  You cannot receive love unless you know there is a place in you that is empty and needs love to fill it." (John Buchanan, Christian Century)

 Who can't use a little more love in their world???

So, my Christmas wish for us all of us that we make room for the gift of love, that is given to us freely if we just accept it.

May you all have a blessed Christmas season and joyous New Year!

A Hard Nut to Crack

It's been an odd Advent.  Hampered in "doing" by my recovery from surgery, I have had the opportunity to do a lot of reading and reflecting.  I have been in midst of a personal quest for direction, which has lead to me to generate a pile of books that might help me get "answers".  And with the tragic events of the last few days, again I find myself looking every where to find "answers".

So, imagine my confusion as I find myself coming back to two words over and over.  Mystery and nuts. What??   

Christmas, in a nutshell, is a mystery.

I've been reading God is in the Manger, an Advent devotional using Dietrich Bonhoeffer's writings.  Week two was spent on the word mystery:

"The lack of mystery in our modern life is our downfall and our poverty."

"How we fail to understand when we think the task...is to solve the mystery of God, to drag it down to the flat, ordinary wisdom of human experience and reason!  It's sole office is to...glorify Gods mystery precisely as mystery."

It's hard to get a grasp on mystery.  It's hard to allow mystery to be the final answer.  

"Children have open, wide-awake eyes, because they know that they are surrounded by the mystery...we [adults] destroy the mystery because we sense that here we reach the boundary of our being."

I am comforted by these words when I think of the children who lost their lives last week.  I see them entering heaven with wide-awake eyes, open to the mystery.  Even as we here on earth remain, trying to find answers.  Trying to understand what can not be understood.

And so it is with Christmas.  We over complicate it.  We want to understand.  It is so simple, that we think we need to make it harder.  It's like a Rube Goldberg experiment...because we will still end up at the same place, it just takes longer.

Christmas, in a nutshell, is a mystery.  And that is the gift.  In the midst of chaos, God loved us enough to send us a mystery in the form of a baby.  Mystery is the gift.  It lets us be free and not understand.  

This is hard.  And we are bad at it.  But maybe it helps if we realize we are surrounded by all kinds of mystery that we never question.  Like nuts.  If you think about it, the inside of every nut is a mystery.  We never know if the nut will be good, bad, whole, broken.  We open it and just accept what we get.  We accept the mystery.

I am not a poetry person, but today I read this  poem.  I was struck by the irony "I hate mysteries...and yet he sits all season snapping nuts".

May we all get a little nutty about the mystery this Christmas!

PS - I was also struck by the timely post of this video by my pastor as I pondered nuts....sometimes God knocks so loud the door just falls over.

Sabbath from "Self"

My husband will tell you I have this REALLY annoying habit.  I ask him how his day was...and then when he doesn't answer within 3 seconds I continue to talk, essentially telling him how my day was.   Have I mentioned he is an incredibly tolerant man???

I went to see a friend in the hospital today.  Luckily, this is not something I often have the chance to do - but even when I do I hesitate to go.  I am that person who thinks I should help "distract" the patient from their woes.  So, I usually end up doing all the talking.  And its's usually about me.

I love Facebook - I know stuff about people that I would not other wise know, especially folks who are far away.  Even stupid stuff.  Seemingly unimportant stuff.  But, that's what I like about it.  People talk about themselves to other people.  Frankly, isn't that the whole point of a status update?  Letting everyone know about you?   

Do you sense a trend?  Here's a shocker:  We are a totally self-absorbed society.  I would have liked to think I was immune from this.  My current medical woes have only highlighted how I have been sucked in like every body else.  I will talk about it to anyone who wants to sympathize with me.  How did we get here?

I don't think we do it intentionally.  We relate to others by common experience - so we try to find something in our world that helps us relate to someone else's world.  We are creatures of our environment.  And our environment has gotten increasingly complicated.  Frankly, there is a lot to keep track of, and most times we can barely keep up with our own little world, let alone what someone else is going through.

But we need to.  We need to care about what others are going through.  Or, at least I'd like to think we do to remain a humane and civil society.  Which means we need to ask..and we need to allow time to listen to the answer.

SO, I am going to try a little experiment.  It was an idea I read somewhere.  A 24-hour Sabbath from MYSELF.  I'll admit, I have tried it before and failed. No status updates on Facebook.   No going on about ME.  And every conversation would start: but how are YOU doin'?

We'll see how it goes this time.  But I am not sure I am allowed to tell you - cause then it would be about ME!

Some days are like a herd of elephants

I should not have time to write this.  In fact, if things were going according to MY plan, I'd be in Richmond sitting in a classroom right now.  Instead, I will make an attempt at blog therapy.  Because, really this writing thing is not to make you feel better, but to make me feel better. 

My original reasoning for creating this blog was to document some of the more behind-the scenes struggles of this stay-at-home mom as she seeks to live out a Christian life in this crazy world.  I'm not here to whine about laundry or that I have guilt about not feeding my kids enough veggies this week.  I am here to highlight the good, the bad and the ugly of trying to actually live out what we are called to do if we claim to be Christian.

So, today is one of the ugly days.  Yes, we all have them.  Even if no one likes to admit them.  The days when our head tells us there is a reason for the things that happen, but our hearts are hardened to hear any of it.  Those days when no matter what we do, we get no comfort.

"I thought you were in Richmond today?".  The words were so innocent - how was she to know they were like a dagger in my heart??  I have had to give up a class I spent months preparing for; having given up things that I love to make room for this "new thing" that I felt called to do.  I was confident I was being obedient and that this was what I was supposed to be doing.

Little did I know that what I was really doing was making room...so I could have a surgery that will disrupt all the plans I made in one foul swoop.

I officially dropped my class yesterday.  Months of preparing, gone in one quick click of the mouse.  When I read this is sounds SO melodramatic.  People are dying; people are out of work.  And here I am whining about not being able to go to class.  I get it.  I do.  But I have also been told previously that the horse on my back is no less heavy just cause my neighbor is carrying an elephant.  For me, the past few days have felt like a herd of elephants.    

SO, there you have it.  Today is one of the ugly days.  Don't come ask me to smile or pretend I am in a good mood.  Don't tell me it will all work out.  I already KNOW that.  It's just that today I am not FEELING it.  And that's just how it is some days.  And you know what - THAT'S OK.  It doesn't mean I didn't pray.  I did - but really it was more of a pity party.  It doesn't mean I don't appreciate all the praying others are doing for me.  Frankly, it's about the only source of comfort I have found in this whole mess.

And tomorrow might be a better day.  But it might not.  And that's OK too.  Cause the bottom line is that as a Christian I don't have to be perfect.   I am allowed to have bad days, and I don't have to apologize for it.  So I am not going to.  In the end, what being a Christian really gives me is hope.  Today might suck, but tomorrow is a new day, and my head knows deep down that God is already doing a new thing.  The hope is that tomorrow my heart feels it.

VBS Top 10

I should probably be working on tomorrow's lesson.  VBS has crossed the hump, with two days left.  So far, it's had everything I knew it would have - the good and the "challenging"! Even though I have these huge bags under my eyes, the  "God" stuff has made it worth every minute. And that's just the things I know about.  How I wish I could be a fly on the walls all over the church when these kids invade for the week.  My cup overflows.  I have no idea why I get so into VBS - well, I do, but only other VBS types like me understand.  

So - in honor of our theme today (Learn) - here's a few tips and other things I have learned from VBS over the years:

1. It doesn’t matter how prepared you are, nothing ever goes as you planned.  Usually this works out better than the original plan.

2.  Don’t hint to the VBS director that you have some free time on your hands, cause there is no such thing as having too many volunteers J

 3.     The music should always be turned up louder.  

4.  Bathroom breaks are a group event, as are field trips to the water fountain.

5.      Make friends with the kitchen crew. They feed you.  And they let you play with your food.

6.    Always say more prayers for the craft people. You might have a bunch of kids, but they supervise all those kids with paint brushes in hand.

7.   Coffee. Drink. More. Coffee.

8.  Age or physical limitation is no reason to stay away. VBS has a place for everyone, young and “wise”. 

9.   There is no greater joy than a VBS hug.

10.           When it gets tough, stick with it. It’s all worth it. 

Silence and Soul Restoration

He restoreth my soul

These words from the 23rd Psalm are on my mind.  I've learned not to question why certain scripture verses stick out at certain times - but I'll admit this one puzzled me more than most.  Blasphemous as it may be, I am not a huge fan of the 23rd Psalm as many are.  Most likely, it reminds me of times of illness, or dark times.  The valleys of life.  It's just not my "go to" scripture.  Except when it is.

1 2 3 Jump!!!

Summer is in full swing!  As I write this I am sitting by the pool.  We spend every summer Sunday afternoon here, relax after church and usually grill our dinner.  I also call this "Daddy's turn to play with the kids".  I often don't even get in the water,  but doze in a chair listening to the joy that surrounds me.  It's just a cheery place to be. 

Water has been on the mind this week.  We spent a day in Baltimore harbor touring tall ships and naval vessels.  We spent an afternoon with a friend at the pool playing goofy games like monkey in the middle.  And today is family day.  So, of course I was not surprised that one of the bible texts for the lectionary this week dealt with water.  God has a great sense of humor. 

There was not much joy in this water story though. There was a storm and the disciples were scared.

"Why are you so afraid?", Jesus asked them.

That reminded me of a scene from the pool this week.  A little girl about 4 years old was by the side, and her father was in the pool encouraging her to jump in. "Don't be afraid, I will catch you" he kept telling her.  She would take a deep breath, run up to the edge...and come to a complete stop.  She did this a few times.  One time she came up, peered over the edge and dipped her toe in.  

"Don't be afraid.  I'll catch you". 

And isn't that just the same message Jesus wanted his disciples to understand?  Jesus always has his arms out, ready to catch us whether we are caught in a storm or afraid at the waters edge. 

This picture is of a different 4-year old girl.  She is obviously not afraid to jump right into that pool.  Full speed ahead and no looking back.   Oh that we were all able to embrace that spirit !  And how thankful that with Jesus in our hearts, we can. 

Oh and that little girl at the pool?  She did eventually jump in.  And her dad caught her.  Just like he said he would.